I call for you in the morning light,
whispers fill my ears.
The shadows cast upon the walls
spread my lingering fears.
The beast took you again last night...
you left claw marks on the head board.
It showed me how close I came to being painfully torn,
but still, my love, I am yours,
and the pain would be a gift,
just like every touch you give me,
just like every kiss.
My foot steps echo down the hall
filled with dust and blood.
Another victim dragged right by,
screams I slept right though just fine.
I think I've found myself accustom to this sick routine.
Turning the corner, there you are
the ferrel look in your eyes.
You shake and shiver with what you've done,
I shake with joy,
I've found you alive.
You look at me and pull me down
right by your side.
You kiss me hard
the taste of blood is no surprise.
My arms wrap around you
and my deluded mind lies
It's all worth it
Just to keep you mine.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Good, really good, I got confused a little though...
Very well written! I loved the title. It was simple and catchy and easily drew in the reader. The wording was nice. Although the commas and phrasing made it a bit hard to read, I liked it. It made the reader think about what he was reading. I also think that the choppy nature of the poem hinted at the "out of breath" feeling I got while reading the poem. Personally, I like the way it was executed. Keep up the good work.
i really like this poem. it's deep. congratulations that the girl had her monster. keep on writing and i hope you become better and better
I never thanked anyone for helping me with this poem. Thank you all so much!
I didn't edit it too much just because it came from a lot emotions and I love looking back at them.
it's kinda choppy in how it reads but I can't bring myself to change it it's been so long.
I love this poem! it really capture the emotion of loving someone that does horrible things and that even knowing all that he's done she can still love him. You also really capture the sens that she is convincing herself that he is worth it and that even if she says she is used to it it still bothers her. Really great poem filled with emotions. Its really great!!!
Hey there! Dreamy here. Let's get right down to it, my corrections in reddish pink:
Yup. That's all, folks. The asterisks mean that I either took something out or am making a comment.
--Dreamy
I like your poem! It is very good, and you used a good title that drew me in. You keep the reader guessing, and you told your story in a way that the poem can mean different things to different people, like a Paramore song, or the Jabberwocky poem. Keep on writing!
Not much to complain about, I really enjoy this piece. I can't put my finger on why, but it just feels...right. The moment I figure it out, I'll edit this little review.
Nothing huge bugs me, just a few little errors.
Needs some commas to make it a little more easy to read.
but still, my love, I am yours
The comma feels a little bizzare, because the second line can stand alone better than it continues the sentence, although I see how it feels somewhat short of a line in that case. I got it!
You kiss me hard,
and your taste of blood is no surprise.
Figured it out! The beast is defined as so monstrous and freightening. It put me on the edge of my seat, and kept me reading out of a little bit of fear.
Keep it up, and have a lucky day!